Pillowtalk
by We Are The Revolution
Summary: [REPOST] This must be a first. Sirius Black, envy on the school, is talking to me after sex. That’s certainly going on the wall in the Fourth Floor lavatory. [Slash, RLSB, rated for language and implied sexual situations]


No. I did not _steal_ this.  
It's been transferred from the other account.  
Please don't accuse me of silly things like that.

This is rated T (for TEEN), mainly because my character has a dirty mouth.  
OH, AND, the entire first part is after they had sex.  
Sirius is such a whore.

* * *

Sirius Black is the most wanted boy in school. That is a known fact. It is also known that he is the sluttiest boy in school, but no one really cares about that. No one minds when he comes out of the girls' dorms at midnight, half naked (he's long since figured out how to get up there) and smelling of sex. 

But now, I can't help but wonder why he's still here, sitting on my bed, very naked and apparently very deep in thought. I sit up, shifting the bed, and he jumps slightly, and turns around. And, y'know, he looks like a sad puppy.

"Can I talk to you?"

I raise an eyebrow. This must be a first. Sirius Black, envy on the school, is talking to _me _after sex. That's certainly going on the wall in the Fourth Floor lavatory. He doesn't wait for an answer (true Black fashion, that is) before he starts talking.

"I don't really think I like girls."

"That's wonderful for a girl's self esteem."

He glares in a halfhearted kinda way. "I'm serious!"

"We all know that, Sirius."

"You bloody well know what I meant." I sigh, my bit of joking over for the moment.

"Well? Why not? It wasn't _me_, was it? Because then I fear I'd have to throw myself off the Astronomy tower." He almost smiles, before he remembers what it is we're talking about.

"No. Not you. I mean, I _do_ like girls, you're all quite wonderful…" His eyes wander a bit, and I don't even bother looking down at myself. It's not worth it, anyway. _I_ for one know what I look like naked. "But there's a boy…"

"Well, Sirius, I think you'll need to specify. What _kind_ of boy? Is he roguishly handsome? Insanely pretty? Oh god, he's not a troll, is he?"

"No, see, I think that's the problem here. I've got tons of gorgeous girls practically falling at my feet, and I go for the plain, nothing-special boy! And, y'know, he's really insecure…"

I raise an eyebrow. "Go on."

"No."

"Why not?!"

He huffs, crossing his arms. "Because if I tell you anymore, you'll be able to figure it out."

"You do realize that I am in the same house as you, so I could probably figure it out from that information alone."

He gives me a Look. He doesn't think I can! I'll show him, the bloody poof. "It's Remus, isn't it?" That look is absolutely priceless. Sort of a deer-in-the-headlights thing, with a splash of 'I just got bitch slapped'. I laugh. "Oh my god, it IS Remus! Well then, Sunshine, you're lucky I like you so much, or your dirty little secret would be out to half the school by tomorrow."

"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" There's that sad puppy look again. He really should stop doing that.

"Well, if I do, it'll be the girlfriend I'm going to find as soon as you get out of here. She'll have to know why I've turned lesbian all of the sudden. Anyway, what're you gonna do about it?"

"_Do_?! I'm not planning on doing anything. It was never in my plan to actually DO anything except for tell someone and then throw them out the window."

"Sirius Black, you are not even going to joke about throwing me out of a window, or you'll find yourself hexed into oblivion." And indeed, my wand is dreadfully close to my hand. He shrugs, before shaking his head and effectively mussing up his already chaotic hair.

"Well, since _you_, in your oh-so-expert female opinion, think I should say something to the very straight male that I have the hugest crush possible on… Give me ideas."

I can't just let him _know_. I must be an antagonist! So I do my best to be cryptic. "What makes you think he's straight?"

"Well, for one, he's dated _so_ many girls." He starts counting on his fingers and listing off names (or Houses, since he can't for the life of him remember names).

"Actually, luv, Remus Lupin, in six years of being at Hogwarts, hasn't so much as been on a date with a girl. I know that for a fact, because I _am_ a girl, and word gets around." Sirius snorts, crossing his arms again.

"What about all those girls that he goes off with all the time?"

"Ravenclaws, yeah? He studies with them. They help him with Potions, and he helps them with… I think the most recent one was Transfiguration. Any other reasons, lover boy?" I think he's getting tired of my nicknames for him. Oh well, it's not gonna make me stop.

"Well, I think he would've told us if, y'know, he was a poof." And _now_ he looks like a kicked puppy. I almost want to hug him. But alas, I must resist, because making him miserable is just too much fun.

"And how many times has he just come out and told you his secrets, hm?" I know Remus has secrets. Everyone knows about the mysterious Mr. Moony (I've always wondered about that nickname) and his secretive secrets.

Sirius obviously doesn't know all of his secrets either, because his face turns a rather odd shade of red, and he turns away. "So I just tell him?"

"Yep. I'd suggest you get him alone, though, instead of announcing your uber-huge crush on him in the middle of the common room." Of course, that would be what Sirius Black would do. Declare his undying love to another boy in the middle of the common room, probably with a Sonorus charm as well. He smiles (that smile that makes girls absolutely melt), and very suddenly I am flat against my bed again, and he's hugging me.

Which, by the way, is a very comfortable position.

And then he's gone, taking my sheet with him (he has it wrapped around his waist, and I have no idea where his pants went), calling out 'Thanks Mary!' behind him.

"My name's not… Oh, sod it all."

-----

A week later, in the common room (with my new girlfriend, by the way), Sirius Black did exactly what I told him not to. I knew he would; he's too much of an attention whore to do anything in secret. Though, he probably _did_ tell the poor boy in their dorm before dragging him into the common room.

"EVERYONE, I have an announcement!" His voice boomed above the voiced of the mid-afternoon students. Of course he'd use a Sonorus charm. He's Sirius Black, after all. "I am in love with Remus Lupin."

Several girls fainted, then, and several more screamed. Oh, poor them. I was certainly the last girl he'd slept with. Remus was blushing a _very_ dark shade of pink, and attempting to hide behind a couch. Sirius, however, apparently had different ideas, because he swept him up and kissed him full on the lips.

My girlfriend squealed. _I_ grinned brightly, bragging to her that _I_ was the cause of this. Though, not everyone was quite happy with this current arrangement, Peter Pettigrew fainted as well, James Potter was smiling, albeit muttering something along the lines of 'I knew it, the bloody poofs'. Lily Evans was laughing, and several other girls were handing her odd amounts of money. _She _had obviously known all along.

Sirius and Remus – the latter being forcefully pulled – made their way towards us, Sirius being all smiles. "Thanks, Heather," he said, before dragging Remus to another side of the room.

"My name's not… oh sod it all."

* * *

Like it? Hate it? Want to murder me for writing in the point of view of a nameless Gyffindor-turned-lesbian? Tell me! Reviews are food for my muses.


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